And so it begins

I have worried about my weight my whole life. This gets tiring. That's the main reason why I think I get off track with my eating. I get sick of "thinking" about it. I don't want to consider the fat, carbs, preservatives, portion. I just want to eat whatever's good until I'm full. Of course, sometimes it takes 2 or 3 servings until I feel full. But that's just what I mean. I don't want to think about it so much. I know I should sit 15 or 20 minutes and see if I feel full. I just don't always feel like doing that.

But I have reached that point where I am the heaviest weight I've EVER been (168.5 pounds). The last time I got this big, I distinctly remember saying, "Well, this just proves that someone can run and still gain weight." It took The Biggest Loser to inspire me to lose that time. But that show got boring after the first season for me and I'm no longer inspired by it, nor do I even care to watch it. How unrealistic. I'm not morbidly, grossly obese. I have a pretty good handle on my health. Even when I'm big, I'm eating right most of the time. I'm just eating too much and allowing myself to eat some of that stuff that I know is lethal (aka sweets -- lots of sugar). Heck, I did the Corporate 4-Miler in June with a time of 40 minutes. So I find myself not relating to those people. I also have no desire to do "extreme" exercising. . . I'm really quite content to do yoga, light weights, and walking (although I know I have to jog some just to kick up the cardio).

Anyway. I don't have time to write any more right now because I  must get to work. But I do want to use this blog to record my eating. Let me start paying closer attention to it again. I need to re-frame the idea of "thinking about it" -- let me be mindful of my eating, strive for that mindfulness in all aspects of my life. . .

I will also record successes and misses. For example, yesterday I did not eat sweets in the evening after dinner. Although I had two helpings at dinner, I know I ate only two servings of chips instead of an indeterminate amount. This is a small victory. I must build on that and continue.

Another success is that I ran this morning and walked the dogs, all before my 10 am conference call. I hate that I missed  yoga, but I am committing to going to yoga Thursday for the whole time.